dear paper, envelopes, books and notebooks,

please, PLEASE, stop giving me paper cuts. seriously. this was my 5 paper cut in a week. why? is it some weather thing? does the cold weather drying my hands out make them more
susceptible to your evil slicing? why must you open a gateway into my body? i have gateways already and they are all doing just fine, thank you. now i have 5 different ways to look inside myself to see red and pink. i know i am red and pink inside, because i know we are all red and pink inside because i am enlightened and unracist. so why are you openning me. do you know how hard it is to type the letter "o" with a papercut on your right ring finger? do you know how much it hurts to write "do you know how"? it hurts sooooooo much. that hurt too. ow. fuck, wwwwwww. that is my new way ta type pain.
why are you hurting me paper, envelopes, books, and notebooks? i have a shitload of reading to do for class, and it al involves paper, so stop. so can you just knock it off? ok?
thanks,
me.