Today is my birthday. And today, I discovered a profound truth. Never ever ever spend the day before your birthday digging up sod/up-rooting weed trees [that looked cute for a year or two and now are attacking walls]. Normally when you do such yard work, you wake up the next day feeling sore. When you do such the day before your birthday, you wake up feeling old.

And can I just say how disappointed I am in my horoscope. I hardly ever read the horoscopes, except on my birthday. I cut out the little ‘If Today Is Your Birthday” section, shove it into my wallet, and carry it for a year, just for shits and giggles.

Last year’s: “ It’s your year to prove to the world and to yourself that you can create whatever you set your mind to have, be, and do. Many notice your good deeds in August – the acknowledgement feels fantastic. Admission to an elite groups is featured in September. Finances perk up with a change in your work during October. Leo and Sagittarius people adore you.”

This year’s: “with tenacity, you’ll conquer your main obstacles.”

Thanks stars. No really, thanks. Last year, nothing on my plate. This year, applying for a new job, starting grad school and getting engayged. I’ll fire up the tenacity.

A special shout out to my special share-the-day homies, Courtney Love, Donald Rumsfeld, and OJ Simpson.

you call that shit Zig, you call that shit out.